Reclaiming My IT Path, My Autistic Voice, and Humane Tech
Over the past few weeks, I’ve been diving deep into PHP and web development — not just technically, but philosophically, looking at the bones of the web. I used to think PHP was basic, even clunky, but now I get its real power: it’s the quiet engine, a server-side scripting language that dynamically generates the HTML we see. Learning how a simple, ubiquitous tool can be so functional and essential has been a metaphor for me. It’s not about the flashiest thing; it’s about what works and what’s foundational.
Alongside the technical lessons, I’ve been reflecting on why I learn at all. My ability to truly grow and understand came not from the rigid system of formal education, but from escaping those toxic academic environments that crushed my curiosity and spirit. I wasn't failing school; the system was failing me—failing people who are neurodiverse like me. The pressure to conform, to memorize, and to chase approval made me feel like I was broken, when in reality, I just needed the space to explore, deconstruct, and build at my own pace as an autistic learner.
It’s become crystal clear that my learning thrives when I am not chasing grades, approval, or a hierarchy. My drive is the pursuit of knowledge and understanding over blind faith. I am here to understand how systems work, to experiment with the code, and ultimately, to contribute meaningfully to humane tech—even if that path resists the typical corporate or academic structure. PHP taught me that simple, self-hosted tools can still build powerful, accessible systems, just like a self-directed activist-learner can still make a real impact.
This journey also made me reflect on the broader landscape of Malaysia’s national direction—how too much of our economic strategy revolves around being cheap, obedient labor for foreign systems. It’s hard to feel hopeful in a system that seems to reward conformity over innovation and independence. But I’m choosing to actively resist that path by building my own YunoHost ecosystem, learning independently, and committing to the open-source spirit. This is my small act of resistance against the normalization of injustice and oppression I see everywhere.
Some people won’t like this independent path. I’ve felt the pushback — from classmates and educators who were more invested in maintaining their authority than in pursuing truth. But I now understand their resistance isn't about me. It’s about them feeling threatened by someone who refuses to play by their oppressive rules and is learning to stand on their own.
So, I’m moving forward. I'm building my own robust knowledge base, connecting with actual creators over gatekeepers, and documenting every step. I’m an IT student and an activist; I’m not asking for permission anymore. This is my journey—raw, self-directed, rooted in my G6PD-deficiency-aware and neurodiverse reality, and driven by the mission to advance human knowledge and humane technology.
A long-form self-reflection on PHP, tech learning, and resisting toxic academic culture while embracing a neurodiverse, activist path.
Revived from an original blog entry draft submitted on July 25, 2025.
