Hypocrisy, Betrayal, and the Defense of Privilege
I've learned the hard way that not everyone who offers a helping hand is a true friend. I've had two experiences that highlighted the bitter reality of transactional relationships and hypocritical pretense, especially when it comes to navigating poverty and systemic injustice.
The Transactional Betrayal
The first was with an acquaintance who falsely pretended to be a genuine friend. When I confided in her about my tight financial situation—that I couldn't afford college, car fuel, or even food—she initially sent me some money for a meal.
However, day by day, her support dwindled. She began to claim that she was also poor and that I wasn't the only one without money. The true nature of the relationship was revealed shortly after. She flipped the entire dynamic, turning against me, blackmailing me, and spreading screenshots of our chat messages where I had asked for help. This was after she had (pretended to) genuinely offer help and said I could ask her again if I needed it.
This same person is a student in oil and gas mining. She used to defend her field, arguing that gathering and finding oil and gas isn't "free," even as I was posting about the ethical questions and injustices surrounding the world's search for these resources—like the way militaries are used to enforce trade in certain currencies. It seemed to confirm a harsh truth: people defend the systems that benefit them, defining success in their own terms and blaming the poor, all while overlooking the systemic failures that desperately need to be addressed.
The Hypocritical Pretense
The second experience involved another person, now an ex-friend, who was incredibly hypocritical.
This person used to openly insult people's poverty on her WhatsApp status. She would write things like, "I wake up every day able to groom myself to be the most beautiful and pretty person. I can afford all of that. These are my blessings, and I'm grateful that I'm not part of systemic poverty."
She was fully aware of my financial struggles. Yet, she would still pretend to help, only to repeatedly become angry with me when I eventually ended the friendship. Her "help" was nothing but a string of false promises—she faked that she was going to send me aid many times, claiming she had bills to pay and that her friends sent her money.
The fake kindness she showed was a massive red flag. It wasn't about genuine compassion; it was an exploitation of someone's genuine vulnerability to make herself feel—or appear—better. She insulted the poor on her public platform while privately performing insincere gestures of help, revealing her true insincerity and lack of empathy.
The Painful Lesson
Both of these experiences taught me a painful but necessary lesson: when you are vulnerable, some people will see you not as a friend, but as an opportunity for a transactional exchange or a chance to prop up their own ego. It’s a sad pattern where the privileged defend their advantages and use pretense to mask their lack of empathy for those of us struggling with systemic poverty.
A true ally doesn't weaponize your request for help or use your struggle as a backdrop for their own self-aggrandizement. True human connection is about lifting others up, not exploiting their vulnerability.